Please, do not strive to make the world small when you hurt.
As men we have the ability to empower or destroy. As do women. But women tend toward creation while men turn more toward control. And in that desire to control we tend to wield our power in less than conscious ways that have been playing out for too long. We tend to empower when we feel safe and we tend to strike out and destroy when we feel threatened. The problem is that we often feel threatened by the very things that can most empower us and those around us. We can feel threatened by things we feel are separate from us and that expose the vulnerability within us. And when we feel that threat, our unconscious reactions can kick in and we can do a lot of harm.
Men, please resist the desire to blame, belittle, shame or capitalize on the fears and doubts of others as you attempt the impossible task of remaining above or beyond your pain. When you attempt to shape the world in small ways in order to protect your heart, you end up a terrified king standing alone atop a rabbled ruin of beaten hearts rather than the expansive and wholehearted warrior you truly are whose true purpose is to hold space for ever expanding and, yes sometimes painful, love to unfold.
Witness those parts of you that want to protect your embattled ego and watch all the mannerisms that arise within you as ancient desires to disable others so that they can no longer hurt you. How many tender truths that are expressing themselves within others are you willing to kill in order to protect that within you that does not want to die?
This is especially true in your relationship to those you love who are in the position to hurt you the deepest. For far too long, men have been striking out to make the world around them small and to dim the light of others because they fear the inherently exposing light of love.
It is time to stop. It’s time to play the role you are meant to play; the role of the strong and tender champion of the fully embodied love and truth that needs to be fully expressed in the world.
Watch how a part of you still wants to hurt and shame another in order to protect what you will not admit is a fragile and vulnerable heart.
If you hurt, witness your hurt.
If you’re in pain, witness your pain.
If you’re feeling abandoned, witness your feelings of abandonment.
If you’re scared, witness all the places within you that are scared.
Any effort to escape the truth of these emotions as they arise in the moment results in placing blame on others and makes both your world, and the world around you, smaller than it is meant to be.
Witness the petty meanness that can arise within and let it pass until it burns itself out and all that remains is the truth of your ability to love.
If you really want to test your strength, foster the will to wait until love returns and then let your actions unfold from there.
This is what will make your heart stronger, larger and more full and tender. Then you can be in true and abundant relationship with life and those who you love. Then you can be trusted to be the man you truly are who can bear witness to, and hold space for, a miraculous expansion of love and light and the free expression of truths that often hurt.